How to Have Difficult Conversations with Employees

Nobody likes dealing with employee complaints, especially when it’s about a coworker. Unfortunately, employee conflict is an inevitable part of managing employees.

While some may hope that problems will naturally resolve themselves over time, this approach rarely leads to effective solutions. In fact, this method oftentimes makes seemingly small issues escalate.

Whether you’re a new manager or an expert at having difficult conversations with a problematic employee, we’ve broken it down into five easy steps.

1. Recognize and Manage Your Emotions

Managing emotions when there is conflict is an essential part of navigating difficult conversations in the workplace. When challenging discussions arise, emotions can quickly escalate, making it harder to maintain a calm and respectful dialogue. How you handle these emotional responses can make all the difference in achieving a successful outcome and fostering a positive team environment.

During tough conversations, you might have strong feelings such as frustration, defensiveness, or anxiety. You need to identify what you are feeling so you can maintain control and provide constructive feedback.

What frustration looks and feels like

When you are frustrated, your heart may be racing, your jaw may be clenched, and your body may feel tense in general. You might experience irritability, make excuses, blame the other person, or abruptly end the conversation without regard to the other person's feelings.

What defensiveness looks and feels like

If you have an internal voice telling you, "That's not what happened," or feel a need to build a case to defend yourself, you may be experiencing defensiveness. You might interrupt the other person to explain your side, dismiss their feelings, justify your actions, or perhaps demonstrate physical signs with crossed arms, a clenched jaw, and a surge of anger.

What anxiety looks and feels like

From a racing heart and knot in your stomach, to physical discomfort and apprehension about the conversation in general, anxiety can get the best of you. You might be nervous, anticipate a negative outcome, freeze up, want to avoid the conversation, or perhaps have a sudden surge of overwhelming emotions.

Managing your emotions

Recognizing and acknowledging these emotions is the first step toward effective communication. Name what you are feeling and make a concerted effort to unclench your fists, soften your shoulders, relax your jaw, and stay calm. By remaining composed, you set the tone for a constructive discussion and help prevent the situation from spiraling into a bigger conflict.

It’s also important to stay focused on the matter at hand and avoid getting sidetracked by personal attacks or unrelated issues. If emotions become overwhelming, don’t hesitate to suggest a short break to allow everyone to regroup and return to the conversation with a clearer mindset. This approach not only diffuses tension but also shows your commitment to finding a solution together.

2: Ask if You Can Give Feedback

To begin a difficult conversation with an employee about their behavior, ask in advance for permission. This shows respect and allows them an opportunity to prepare themselves for the conversation.

Engaging the employee in the talk from the start helps set the tone for an open initial conversation and encourages a collaborative environment. Be sure to clearly communicate the main point you want to discuss so there is no confusion about the objective. However, don’t drag it out by giving too much notice. Best practices suggest you have the conversation within an hour of asking this question.

Actively listen when giving feedback

Active listening is a powerful tool. By truly listening to the employee’s perspective and showing empathy for their feelings, you demonstrate respect and encourage open dialogue.

Use open-ended questions to invite the other person to share their thoughts and emotions, which can lead to a better understanding of the underlying issues and help both parties find common ground. Be mindful of your body language, which could be communicating a different message than intended.

3. Describe the Specific Behavior Needing to be Addressed

Focus on the problematic behavior, being as specific as possible, and not about the employee as a person. Addressing behavioral or performance issues directly is crucial, and providing clear examples helps ensure the conversation is constructive and focused on improvement.

For example, if an employee told a joke that had a negative impact on team morale and collaboration, be specific and direct with the employee rather than speaking generally to all employees. When issues are not addressed early, they can escalate into bigger problems for both the team and the organization.

4. Explain the Impact of the Employee's Behavior

Describe the consequences (positive or negative) that may result from the employee's behavior. Focus on the consequence that is most impactful to the employee.

Fear of confrontation can make these conversations challenging for both managers and employees, but addressing them is essential for honest dialogue. It is also important to provide support and resources to help the employee improve and succeed.

For example, you could say, "Jokes like this spread like wildfire and damage your reputation with coworkers and other team members who are expected to work with you in the future, not to mention hurt our relationship with clients.” Make sure the employee understands the impact of their behavior and the importance of addressing it.

5. Provide the “Next Steps”

Creating an action plan is the most critical step. Determine what you would like the employee to do differently and allow the solution to come from them, not you. After they propose ideas, try to end on a positive note, building on their ability to rectify the behavior and commitment to reaching their goals.

Final Thoughts

Developing your skills to control your emotions and manage conflict can transform difficult conversations into opportunities for growth, problem solving, and stronger team connections. To further build your confidence and learn more strategies, consider downloading a free e-book from novaleadership.com or Harvard Business School. These free resources offer practical tips for handling workplace conflict, building mutual understanding, and creating a culture of respect and collaboration.

You can also reach out to your Stratus HR Rep for tips on how to be an effective leader. Not a current Stratus HR client? Book a free consultation and our team will contact you shortly.

Sources:
https://www.calm.com/blog/defensiveness
https://online.hbs.edu/blog/post/leadership-communication